So without having any idea of what this movie was about code and I redboxed it. I'd put it in the category of indy-ish/coming of age type movies like Juno, but a lil darker-they deal with some harsh stuff in this movie and it doesn't necessarily make you feel vindicated in the end- at least I didn't. I won't be owning this one but it def started me thinking about some things.
First of all, the title. The perks of being a wallflower. I'd say that a certain percentage of me is a wallflower. I don't crave the lime light or to be the center of attention. If I'm surrounded by people who will dominate the conversation I will let them. I'm not going to fight to get a word in edge-wise...well, unless I feel REALLY strongly about it, but you get the drift. I'd say one of the perks of being a wallflower is that you notice a lot. If you're the one talking/in the spotlight, you're focused on what you're saying/ how you're appearing to those around you etc. If you take a break from the lime light-THAT'S when you start to notice things outside of yourself.
Now, I'm not advocating "wallflower...ism" because I also think it's important to try new things and to have a lot of self-worth. If you're not talking/participating when you secretly want to cause you have low self-esteem or are scared, that's not good and you should work to get over it. I'm an introvert. While I like talking with and making new friends, I also dont' feel the dire need to talk with everyone around me. I'm happy to observe, or more accurately, think.
The other day I was at Walmart and met the OPPOSITE of a wallflower. Just as it was my turn to get checked-out, the checkout girls switched. The girl that just ended her shift was really fast-would say hi, how are you today-the customary-and then got to work scanning. The new check-out girl started talking to me the second she got behind the counter. She is the kind of person who can create a conversation out of thin air and could hold that conversation with anyone...or thing. I don't mean to sound condescending-it's a talent that some people have, it's just....hard for me to imagine having that sort of skill. The problem was, I didn't want to talk, or rather hear, about her nephew or their dogs and how they freak out when they go to the vet. Yeah...I'm still not sure how she smoothly transitioned to that. Of course with all of this one way conversation going the check out process was slow. I felt bad but all I could think was, stop talking and focus so I can get Jake home! (he wasn't feeling well this day).
Anywho, I'm pretty self-confident and have healthy self-esteem, but I do lack the ease of getting to know strangers. Once I know you-it's fine, but something about walking up to a stranger and magically knowing what to say eludes me. Of course I have learned to fake it-the mission helped with that big time. So I can look like I'm perfectly at ease-confident etc when really I'm feeling uncomfortable. But you see, I don't want to be like that cashier. I don't want to be babbling on unaware that the people around me are secretly wanting out of the conversation. I want to be able to read people well so that I don't put me or them in that situation. The problem is I'm not confident in my ability to read people. When I choose to not go up to someone and start talking to them, it's not because I feel like I'm not worth talking to-I know I am, but I'm not confident that they want to talk and I want to respect that.
Today I was taking jake on a walk. We live near the end of a long row of townhomes. There are a lot of young families around us. Just once I would like to move somewhere and have people go out of THEIR way to introduce themselves and welcome me-does that even happen anymore? Is that just too cliche? but whatever, so we tried to say hi to our neighbors, but it's hard to catch them. As I was walking down the street with Jake's stroller a family came out of their townhome- mom, dad, two lil boys, and a third lady that I could only assume was one of their mothers. Their boys ran/rode ahead of them and got to me pretty quick. One of them said something about a toy he had and I said cool. By this point the parents were approaching. I nodded, smiled, and said "Hi." The dad did that head nod thing and a tight smile while he waved the lightsaber he was holding in his hand at me....you had to have been there, but it was weird. I tried to smile and say a quiet hi at the mom who was talking to the other lady that was with them, but she didn't really acknowledge me. I get it. She was talking to someone else-I'm sure I've unknowingly done that to someone. I just hate when other people make me feel like a wallflower. It's one thing if I choose to be one for the day, but how hard is it to say HI back. I mean, I'm not even holding my breathe for a "oh you're new, we haven't met, hi my name is..." just a "Hi." asking for too much?
oh well...I always joke that people (who I don't know) generally don't talk to me/sit with me at church because it would be too easy and God wants me to practice being the assertive one. It stinks but I'll keep working on it...
It's sad to hear that you've been on the receiving end of a luke warm reception upon your return to the land of "Zion". Common courtesy would dictate that people smile and say hello back in response to a friendly greeting, unless of course it's from a serial killer! I would think that you pushing a cute little baby in a stroller should have quickly set those fears aside! One thing I noticed growing up in the Valley were 3 common groups of people (sorry to offend by my generalizations). First, were active members who assumed everyone else was a member too, and were so busy and wrapped up with church and their lives that they just didn't take time to notice or keep track of who was or wasn't new to their area so they didn't make the effort to reach out. Second were the less active, in-active or former members who carried a heavy load of baggage and just wanted to be left alone and not be made a project by the active members. Third were members of other faiths who were tired of church members trying to convert them, so they'd keep their heads down in hopes that they'd be left alone. I suppose that may have happened a lot in Utah since there is such a high concentration of members who live there. I'm sure that there were other issues in play as well. Some of my non-member friends were always quick to point out that Utah Mormons were very "cliquish", "hypocritical", "self righteous" as well as "judgmental" and always trying to "take over" or "run everything in the city" which turned them off to learning more about the church. In the end no matter who we are, where we live or what personal issues we may have ...as Pres. Hinkley used to say can't we just be kinder and gentler to each other? I've always believed that you can never have too many friends and that you have to be a friend to make a friend ...but that, is a two way street my friend!
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