Phew!

whoa, that was a close one...I was really in the mood to blog which I haven't been in the last little while so when the urge comes I have to pounce on it.  But anywho, the website was down and I was really frustrated cause writing it in word is just not the same, but luckily I checked back and it was fixed!  They knew better than to mess with my hormones :)

 

So...what's new what's new...

well I have a little bump and today it seems to be more prominant though it may just be what I happen to be wearing:

It's kind of weird having curves....I've never really had curves before-always had the basic stick/boyish figure before now.  While there may be aspects of the boyish figure that I miss a little, I'm enjoying feeling like a woman *cue the Shania Twain hit* I mean...moms are supposed to have some curves to them right?

I can't remember if I've posted about this before but our front room has never been a cohesive room-just everything we didn't have a place for went in there, especially in the closet all our storage etc.  Sadly I don't think I ever took a pic of the closet in all it's glory so the finished product wont' be as dramatic when I show it, but we are waging war on that front room to get it ready for our little one. 

It has involved decluttering, purging, organizing, and rearranging but now that we are well into the process it def seems doable.  This past weekend Code went through all of his boxes and kept the essentials, decluttered, we put those in a new container under our bed which really freed up space in that closet.  Code also took a car-load full of trash/goodwill donations etc so we feel like we can breathe in that room now.  I'm seriously so grateful for all of Code's willingness to help-especially now that I can't really move any heavy stuff. 

Some of my goals for the second trimester (I'm 17 weeks) are:

-pick up the basics of the guitar (we own 3 guitars between the two of us and I still can't play anything really.)  It's hard to learn without regular lessons that force accountability/practicing/etc but I'm determined to pick it up and have a list of songs I want to learn.

-start walking regularly-every day whether it's in the morning on a treadmill or after code gets home from work in a nearby neighborhood.

-Finish the front room

-Finish figuring out the accompaniment for a song I've written (ahem a while back and the accompaniment has been intimidating me to where I haven't really sat down to do it yet)

I'm feeling great and am amazed at how much I'm learning about myself already in coping with the ups and downs of pregnancy and am surprisingly grateful for all of it-I know...weird...

Stay tuned cause the next few months will be full of updates: (March- we're seeing the band perry at the houston rodeo!, going to another symphony concert, traveling to KS for our nephew's birthday and other nephew's baby blessing, finding out the gender of little no-name (23rd) and April- we're going for a random weekend trip to San Antonio, Code's birthday, super-duper trip to upperstate new york with the engstroms!!!! and much much more so stay tuned sports fans!

btw, shameless plug for a blog that my husband and some friends have started: notintosports.com for all your random sports needs when you don't REALLY care about sports but still need to know some facts to throw around the office, significant other, etc.

 

-

"Grace Shall Be As Your Day"

This is a line from a mormon pioneer hymn that's way popular in our church.  The full hymn goes:

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
’Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—
All is well! All is well!

There are plenty of other verses that are just as inspiring but I started to think about the words in this hymn especially the fourth line.  The background of this hymn is that it was sort of the motivating anthem that the mormon pioneers sang as they traveled across country over mountainous and wintery terrain with wagons/handcarts.  The rule was if anyone started singing it, you had to join in.  It's a beautiful song.  I guess because I've sung it so much in church it's easy for me to go on auto pilot and not really think about the words.  Is this song beautiful sure, but in my mind it was always a pioneer song singing about physical pioneer- type things that happened in the past.  Now sure, I could see applying the general concept to modern day life too-I mean, life is hard no matter when you live it's kind of the point.  For some reason though, this line stuck out to me the other day as I thought about this hymn.  I had never given this line any attention before and frankly didn't know what it was referring to-all the other lines were far more obvious to me.

Grace shall be as your day.  Now it's not a stretch to believe in the grace of God if you're a Christian.  After we do our part as much as we can, only through the Grace of God are we saved, and it is grace cause technically we can never save ourselves-will never be perfect.  And this line is saying that no matter when or where you live-just as God helped and lifted up the saints in their trials across the plains (and there are miraculous stories) He will help us whereever and whenever we are-there's no difference.  Not only that, but how different are our needs from day to day?  One day I may be feeling great and ontop of the world, the next I could be a hormonal mess in a minor panic worried about some little thing.  It doesn't matter though, however little or much grace I need that day He will give it to me.  The grace never will run out-there will always be enough that we need.  Now THAT is comforting.

Love is in the air

awww Valentine's Day...I remember the days when I didn't really care about this holiday- and it wasn't cause I was bitter and single, meh, just wasn't really that exciting to me.  I'd prefer to get surprised on a random day when I REALLY wasn't expecting it.  Since marrying the love of my life I'm able to appreciate it as another great opportunity to express my love and appreciation for code so I can deal with it :)  Plus I will always love chick flicks so how bad could it be?

So we, like most married veterans, went out to eat the day before Valentine's Day-not necessarily to beat the rush but because there was a SWEET group-on, yeah it was ridiculously good.  We went to Merche which is just off 290 and huffmeister near the cypress medical center/hospital there.  It was pretty good-itallian/spanish fusion place.  Small, intimate setting-had to have been no more than forty tables etc.  I got this rotissary chicken with a chocolate/chilli sauce.  It was pretty good, but I'm lazy and would have preferred boneless-less work, but still good, and Code got the filet mignon.  I also got my beautiful bouquet when Code came home Monday evening.  I'll admit shopping for me on Valentine's day is hard cause I don't like the whole cliche rose thing...they're way expensive and they're not even my favorite flowers.  However my favorite flower, the daisy-especially gerber daisies, are nigh-impossible to find on V-day, atleast in a big bouquet of them, so he managed to find a bouquet that was more daisies than roses and I love it :)

See the full gallery on Posterous

On Valentine's day morning I woke up to find my kind of chocolates (if I have to go fancy chocolates I prefer See's but I'm kind of See'sed out lately) and a beautiful card that I'll admit got me a little teary-eyed

Then this is what code came home to when he got home from work:

See the full gallery on Posterous

I got these cookies at a local bakery: frosted -off of 529- because they said the cake I was ordering didn't cost enough or something and I had to buy something else...yeah....so whatever I went a long with it.  That was my big surprise for Code-we always talk longingly about our wedding cake on the day of our wedding-how yummy it was and how we weren't able to freeze it since both our parents traveled to be there etc.  So I ordered a replica.  It was so cute and to be honest kind of how I originally envisioned our cake looking-a little more modern and fun.  I gave them a pic of our cake so they had an idea of the color schemes and polka dots etc. and wrote on that pic that I wanted a white cake, with white butter creme frosting and raspberry filling.  I'm pretty sure one of our teirs from the wedding was white with raspberry and we never got to try that one-we had the chocolate teir with raspberry.  So I got the cake was so excited-finally found two gerber daisies to put ontop just like our cake even though they were the wrong color and presented it to cody after dinner:

See the full gallery on Posterous

You can imagine my dissapointment when we cut into it-I was waiting for the bright red strip to show and it was boring vanilla filling....no offense to you plain lovers out there-but why would I want a vanilla cake with vanilla frosting and vanilla filling?! I sent an email to the bakery today-I posted it on facebook so let's hope they take me seriously.  Sometimes I feel like I have to be a 50 year old woman with a temper to get attention in these types of situations.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Afterwards we curled up and watched Return to Me which is just what I needed after a hectic day of running around :) 

But it was a great day and I am just so thankful for cody and his love and support-never questioning or thinking I'm weird for random bouts of emotion etc but just accepting me and loving me through it all.  I am so lucky and am so excited to go to the dr's this friday for our ultrasound and who knows....finding out the gender??? what are ya'll's guesses?  Code says boy and I say girl so we need some tie-breakers :)

What's in a name...

So Code and I have names that we like for both a boy and a girl already, but the other night we thought we should have back ups in case we change our minds etc.  I should have known that it wasn't going to turn into a true brain storming session since we were already in bed and drifting off.  Cody started with Everest-I wasn't sure about that one and suggested Everett (sp?) then he said we should name our kids after mountains like K2.  The conversation took a particularly silly turn when he suggested kilamanjaro.  How could you go wrong with a name like that? the nick names would be great- kil.....kil-a-man.  perfect.  We never regained a serious tone after that one, but if we're particularly feeling cruel or the labor is awful we have a list of ways to get back at the unborn now:

Shustaker

Philemon

Waddily winks

Willow

Ambrosia

So we might be in trouble if we have more than one boy or girl, but for now we're good...at least we had a good giggle fest.  Cody woke up later while I was still tinkering online, giggled, and said: "binkie"  I naturally responded huh? " ya know, like a baby's name"  So we had so much fun he apparently kept it going in his sleep. :)

 

 

My love/hate relationship with Trials

What an interesting month I've had....it's amazing what you learn about yourself when going through transitions and adjustment phases. 

Now, first things first-I'm feeling much better these days.  The morning sickness has definitely abated and I feel really good when I first wake up though I better eat something quick otherwise I'll be so hungry I almost feel sick, but things are good, and we are excited to go to our next appointment on the 17th.

Now, back to my realizations and growth over the past little while.  With the combo of constantly feeling crummy, tired, "meh" just plain unmotivated, plus the hormones making me have irrational reactions to things (no anger mind you, just the water works and I hate not having control over my emotions)- really started to ware on me after awhile.  I started to get scared that i'd feel like this forever.  I thought to myself, " oh my gosh, is this what depression is like?  do people feel this way all the time?" (not that I really could count what I was feeling as depression because I knew exactly why I was feeling the way I was feeling-I was pregnant). 

So anywho, while I'm not depressed, what I DO have a problem with and have to watch out for is: Worrying. I'm a worrier.  Even though I actually have a very rational brain (thus I'm fine 99.9% of the time)- every now and then I can still worry about the "what-ifs" of life.  So I started worrying, what if I'll always feel this emotional roller coaster-it won't go away even after pregnancy and I go crazy???  (yeah...apparently my rational brain decided to take a vacation.)  And even though I know that everything will be fine and it will pass I still have those feelings of anxiety over the "what-ifs".

This is of course not the first time i've had anxiety over seemingly unlikely things.  In looking over my life and when I've most freaked myself out (and by freaking myself out I mean feeling anxious and eventually crying and feeling better afterwards) I've noticed patterns- it seems it happens during times of transition or instability (I know-duh) and it's usually worrying about the unknown (again duh).

-When I was little (we're talking around 9-10) I used to freak myself out worrying whether or not I'd make it back to Heavenly Father after this life (essentially whether I'd get into heaven or not).  I mean, can you imagine? my mom trying to comfort and reassure a little innocent kid about that? But it seemed like a pretty big deal that was not necessarily written in stone.

-The summer after we graduated college we drove around for a month and a half on a huge road trip-it was way fun but after awhile not having stability (a home, sleeping in different places every week, a regular schedule etc) started to make me feel anxious.

-When we moved into our apartment on the first day-that awful first few days when it doesn't look like a home until you unpack and decorate-and that first night there were a lot of roudy loud kids messing around right in our stairwell-not making it feel too homey etc. yeah...cried-of course, a few days later we  were pretty much moved in and I was fine.

So big shocker when we are in the middle of this huge transition in our lives that will not have an end until 9 months and even THEN we will be transitioning to deal with actually having a baby in our lives- I'm a little anxious. pretty heavy stuff.  Life changing.  Honestly looking at it like that I'm amazed that I haven't been freaking out more.  (see? things are never as bad as you think).  Anywho, I like to feel in control, well put together, etc.

Things that have helped though, are learning to not just brush my feelings aside like they don't matter or ignore them til they go away, or-let's face it, build up and explode in an emotional moment, but I accept them.  Accept the fact that i'm feeling anxious and that it's ok-in fact it's normal.  Nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. 

Also, my testimony of prayer, scripture reading, temple attendance, and priesthood blessings has grown SO MUCH!  I'm so greatful that in times of personal struggle I am able to turn to the Lord for the support, comfort, and strength that I need, and as a result I am stronger for it.  I'm so greatful that He understands how I feel and knows exactly how to help me rise above it.  I'm also EXTREMELY greatful for Code who is ALWAYS so kind, compassionate, willing to listen, lovingly reassure, be the shoulder I can cry on, and never thinks I'm silly-just loves me.  It's really helped us become even closer.

So I may have no idea what's ahead, and I may have hard days when I don't feel that great (they are getting fewer and farther in between!), but I take peace in knowing that it's not forever and in the end, everything will work out just fine.  Code and I are so excited for this crazy adventure we're embarking on!

duhhhhh duh.......duhhh duh........duh duh duh duh duh

ok, so hopefully most of you got that the title is a song and a fairly recognizable one at that.  If your heartbeat quickened as you thought of the movie and a chill ran down your spine as you thought of how scary it is to swim in dark water etc, then I acurately recreated the feelings we had during our totally cool night this past weekend.

We went to the Houston Pops who performed john williams' music from spielberg films including: E.T., Jaws, Close Encounters of the 3rd kind, Jurrasic Park, 1941, saving private ryan, schindler's list, Indianal Jones, the NBC Nightly News theme that is actually a full march, Hook, Terminal, and Catch Me if You Can.

My Personal favorites were definitely JAWS-they had a helium shark float out and swim above the orchestra as they played the theme-so ridiculous how effective that theme is and there's so much more than just a minor second going back and forth.  They said that when Williams played the shark theme for Spielberg on the piano-spielberg laughed and said, no really- what is it? Yeah...Williams later won an oscar for that score.; Hook was really good, during close encounters they played with the track lighting above the orchestra like they do in the movie to comunicate with the aliens and shined a concentrated beam down on the conductor like they were opening up etc.; of course saving private ryan's hymn to the fallen and schindler's list's themes are way moving and make you want to cry; Jurrassic park was awesome and the original Indiana Jones was good-though they played a bunch from the newest one that was frankly a little overkill, for the encore they played the starwars main theme which was of course not Spielberg.  Apparently Lucas had gone to Spielberg asking for a good symphonic composer for a score and he recommended Williams. Everyone clapped and cheered for that one.

It was an AMAZING night and I really enjoyed the quality of the theatre and the demographic (though we were prolly close to the youngest there not counting teens who came with their parents)

See the full gallery on Posterous

Other things that we've been doing to keep busy-way back in the day we went to a Rockets' game here in houston when the Kings came and got to see Jimmer play for about 5 minutes so that was pretty cool.

Cody and some friends started some blogs that I REALLY like and think are helpful: notintosports.com and notintotech.com 

so you can find daily highlights of the MAIN things going on in the sports world that will be the most useful to use in a conversation with your peers/coworkers etc so you atleast have an idea of what they're talking about.  There are also some interesting basic explinations of different concepts, rules, organization, etc so you can understand, for example, the basic differences between the NBA and NCAA basketball etc.  It's updated every day so you can check it and get the most info with the least amount of effort-which is what I like about it.  Sites like ESPN etc can be intimidating and overload to people who are casually interested in sports OR who are married to, dating, etc sports fanatics and want to have stuff to bond over without having to learn EVERY little minutia about sports.

anywho, and it's the same with notintotech-tech sites are notorious for using crazy hard jargon and being specific to people who actually understand and love tech-is that me? no, but I'm married to a tech guy and tech does come up in every day conversations whether it's news or ideas for future ventures that I need to be the sounding board for, so this is helpful to me.

Feel free to check them out! and tell your friends :)