The lost art of a true compliment

Just something that I've been thinking about today....compliments.  We're not very good at giving them anymore as a society, and it's for one reason: self deprecation.  Somehow we have convinced ourselves that we will build up those around us by tearing ourselves down.  Combine that with a compliment?  Man, that must make others feel really great, right?  Wrong.  Let's look at the difference it makes shall we?

"Wow, your hair is so well done!  you have a real talent with that."
                                                   VS.

"Wow, your hair is so well done!  i can't do my hair to save my life."


What is a natural response to the first compliment?
Thanks! right?
how about the second?
 if you were to say just "thanks"  it'd be kinda weird/awkward right?  You would need to say, "oh no- I think you do your hair great too!"

In short, it's not a real compliment- it's the old bate and switch.  Rather than enjoying a well-placed compliment, you're now obligated to validate the other person and suddenly the focus is back on them and not you.  It kind of cheapens your compliment and puts your sincerity into question.

I think this trend probably stems from our current societies inability to find value without comparing ourselves all of the time.  Think about it, the first compliment above is 100% positive and you're truly finding joy in someone else's success/good fortune/talents/whatever.  The second compliment you're instantly comparing and creating a barrier between you and the person you're complimenting-are you envious of them?  It's hard to tell and kind of makes the compliment seem begrudgingly given, almost wistful, and nobody likes a needy person.  Everyone has their different strengths and talents, and I don't feel that my worth is diminished just because I've noticed someone is really good at something that I'm not.

As you can probably tell, this is a major pet-peeve of mine.  The second "compliment" up there is not a compliment, it's a socially awkward moment.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being "real" and humble/down-to-earth with people, but in the middle of a compliment is NOT the time for self deprecating comments.  If you do this (it's a very common social trap to fall into these days) Stop it.  Take note if you do it and simply stop it.  You're tainting your compliments every time.  Honestly, I'd rather not receive a compliment at all and avoid the "pep talk/compliment"  I feel obligated to give back to the other person.


Ok, rant over......I blame my current mood on BYU basketball.  That is all.

Andrew at 4 months

Took a lil photo shoot with Andrew today.  He usually is totally distracted/straight-faced with cameras but he must be getting the concept, cause he kind of started smiling today.  He also kind of smiled at Grandpa Gary through FaceTime.  We love Andrew-he's a totally chill baby (like Jake was) and is super happy.  He only fusses right before nap times when he's getting tired, or when Jake is crying really loud-then he gets this SUPER pout that will inevitably make everyone looking at him gasp and say "awwww".  (he has a powerful pout).  

He can kinda hold up his head and chest during tummy time for a few minutes at a time if he wants to, and is super steady in the bumbo seat.  He takes 3 naps a day @10:30,  1:30, and 6:00, and goes to bed at 10:00 and sleeps til 7:30/8:00.  I think we'll work on moving his bed time earlier (around 7:30/8:00) once he's down to 2 naps a day and eating some solids, so prolly around 6 months.  He has become super smiley and is really good at these short lil gut laughs, but hasn't out and out giggled a lot yet.  These past few months Andy has had to take some medicine to reduce the acidity in his tummy so that his reflux wouldn't burn/leave his throat raw.  His reflux has def gotten less and less frequent and so the dr has us not increasing his dosage so that, as he grows, he's naturally and gradually weaning himself off of it, so we'll see if he doesn't need it anymore.  So far he seems to not be bothered by the shrinking dosage-fingers crossed!  We'll be going in for his 4 month appointment next week so we'll have stats by then.

We all love Andy so much, and only have to work on Jake learning what "soft" means :)

Enjoy Grandparents:

(I think his hair has a lil red to it but it only seems to show up/is noticeable in pics.  Jake is the same way-when in certain light).

love this one, it makes me laugh:

and one of Jake, just because :)

Musings

I was reading in the Book of Mormon today.  I'll be honest, my personal scripture study has kind of wilted.  I still do it every day so at least the outward habit of doing it every day is still there, but to be honest I don't get a ton out of it.  Now, this is mostly my fault.  I admit I don't put a lot of mental energy into it (I think it's a common problem with young moms-our brains get lazy.  Let's just say there's a BIG difference between my brain 5 years ago in college and my brain today, but I'm trying to fix that).

Anywho, I was reading in Jacob and he was talking about prophecies, the gospel, and the jews.  Then I read a verse that I hadn't read in awhile but seems more and more appropriate these days:

"(the Jews)...sought for things that they could not understand.  Wherefore, because of their blindness, which blindness came by looking beyond the mark, they must needs fall"

So the real question then is: what's the mark?  Elder Maxwell (an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) said,

"it matters so very much how we regard and view Jesus Christ. Some seek to substitute Caesars for Christ. Others are blinded because they are “looking beyond the mark” (Jacob 4:14) when the mark is Christ."  And goes on to say, "Many sects—without the reinforcing rods of revelation—have been badly shaken by theological tremors; the resulting ecclesiastical erosion has been so rapid it is measured in months, not centuries. Some crusaders without a cross have actually removed the divinity of Jesus Christ from the center of their doctrines—only to see all the other doctrinal dominoes tumble, too.

Thus, foolishness, fear, and fashion have flattened the theology of many. For them, there is neither shelter nor landmark on the horizon."

I don't know if you've noticed but, there have been a LOT of articles, blogposts, and heated debates on social media threads the past few years on varying topics amongst current and former church members. Gay marriage/homosexuality, priesthood, women's roles in the church, polygamy, and the Prophet Joseph Smith, to name a few.  Usually I enjoy social media.  I like being able to see what my friends are up to and see what's going on in the world, but I do feel like social media becomes a major distraction when it comes to these very real issues of the members of Christ's church.  It's not wrong to ask questions, seek out knowledge, and try to find truth.  Social Media, however, should not be your go to resource.  

Let's be honest, Social Media is a place where people care about reinforcing their already held views and appearing smart, right, and popular in the eyes of others- let's see how many "likes" I can get.  Oooo, I got 100s of likes/comments I must be on the right path here.  The only person's "likes" and approval we should be seeking after is Christ's.  If I am having a spiritual or moral dilemma, that is between me, my husband, and Christ.  That's it.  Now, of course the Lord can use our fellow brothers and sisters to answer our prayers and provide guidance, but let's face it- I've rarely felt the spirit when scanning through the multitude of threads debating certain controversial topics that, by the way-we DONT have all the answers to.  

It seems that while we are an entitled generation in the traditional sense, we are also extremely entitled in regards to the flow of information.  We are so used to getting a library's amount of information and all the answers we could want (whether right or no) with a few clicks of a button.  Heaven forbid our internet is slow or crashing and we have to wait longer than 5 minutes to upload something.  We go crazy right?  How does this affect how we view revelation, and what information we think we should be privy to.  If we want to know something than that's enough of a reason right?  Wrong.  

Don't get me wrong, Revelation is amazing and we are so blessed to have it in our day.  We should seek after it daily, but we shouldn't use it as our spiritual google.  We should seek after it, not just because we're curious or want to prove that we're right in our personal opinions, but because we honestly want to know and follow God's will.  In the Bible Dictionary under prayer it describes it as being an act that enables the worshipper to bring their will inline with God's, not the other way around.  Can we ask to know or understand something?  sure.  Is it important for us to to be coming from a place of sincerity and faithful righteousness in our quest for this knowledge?  yes.  Will God give us what we're asking for?  It's up to Him.  The answer could be yes, here you go, or not right now, or just plain: no.         

If we get an answer that frustrates us or doesn't click with our timetable do we focus on Christ, (the Mark) trusting that if it's important, we'll know and understand in time? Do we lean on Him for the patience and faith we need in the mean time? Or do we start looking beyond the mark-start going to other sources who are more willing to give answers of their own?  Answers that more fit with our already preconceived ideas?  Suddenly it's no longer about understanding God's will and why He does what He does, but it's all about us.  It's all about how we feel about something and we start to stumble and fall away.  

The past few months we have been focusing our FHE lessons on the very basics and foundation of a testimony: Christ, his life, mission, and atonement.  Then we studied Joseph Smith for a month.  It was so refreshing to focus on the basics, and it was amazing how quickly the spirit filled our home.  Does that mean that we now understand the why's and when's of everything in the gospel? No, but I feel close to my Savior and I trust that the rest will work itself out in the Lord's time, and I'll accept his will when it comes.

I think of all the question's we have: the what, how, why, when, where's of life if you will.  The most important (in my humble opinion) are the What's and the How's because the answer can always be related to Christ.  What does the Lord want me to do? What's important/what should I focus on? Christ.  And the hows: How can I get through this, How should I help/make this situation better? (turn to and follow Christ's example).  The Why is the happening?  and When will this happen/I understand?- Not so important.  Those will be answered in time, whether in this life or the next, but as long as Christ is the answer for our "What's and How's"  we can get through the rest.