Code is a big help in this regard though. He's my rock. I can open up to him (I got over the whole "feeling stupid when I share my irrational worries with him" a long time ago), plus he knows that deep down I know it's dumb and silly so he doesn't think I'm crazy, but just knows I need to hear someone else telling me that everything is going to be ok and that I'm worrying over nothing and offers perspective.
I feel like I get these two bipolar sides from my parents' influences. My mom is the worrier-if anything can go wrong she's aware of it (and tho she might not say it out loud- she's half-thinking to herself that it's probably going to happen). When she found out I was going to a mission in Russia she was instantly concerned about the affects of trinoble, and when we were thinking about moving to new jersey with exxon's first job offer she some how found out that there was a nuclear plant nearby....maybe she just has a nuclear phobia.....). Which in fairness to her, I think honestly this is a textbook common defense mechanism for moms-does it make us fun and fancy free? No, but it sure helps when the impossible has happened and we're on top of it because we've anticipated every possible scenario and our husbands think....wow....she's super mom...where can I get a bag like that? (anyone know the movie? it's vague so I'll just tell you- one fine day). But until that super mom moment we just look like over planners/worriers and our husbands seem fun and spontaneous....
The rational/logical- it's not a big deal, it'll be fine- side of me definitely comes from my dad. As a kid, his confidence was contagious. We could be driving somewhere and mom is fumbling for the GPS and worrying out loud about where we're going to next, while my dad would say- don't worry I'll figure it out. Even though I don't know the street name, I know the direction I need to go and we'll find our own way-it's all good. Definitely NOT a panicker, and as a kid I never panicked when dad was around either cause what could go bad when dad was there-he knows what he's doing etc.
Now 90% of the time in most areas of life I lean towards the whatever-go-with-the-flow-it'll-all-work-out mentality of my dad. if given the right conditions though-an unexplained ailment, or-now that I have jacob- I just have to hear about different things that have happened to other parents. For example thinking his eczema is ring worm, or hearing about SIDS, or a delayed autism diagnosis and suddenly I'm researching the details hoping to find some sort of stipulation so that I can instantly rule out any possibility in Jacob's case. And the whole time I'm obsessing over it and thinking how awful it would be I'm fully aware of how silly I'm being. That most likely everything is and will forever be FINE with jacob, and that even if something was wrong, there's nothing we can do til real symptoms show anyway so why worry all the time and ruin the fun and memories we could be making now?
See? Rational alarmist. Needless to say I'm constantly regaining a testimony of faith and hope and that worrying only shows a lack of faith in God's plan for me/my family. To trust in Him (not that that means nothing bad will ever happen), but that everything is in His hands and no matter what happens in our lives, good or bad, I can deal with it with His help.
In lighter news my dress came and I LOVE it! I think I need to wear something like a shirt/tank top etc underneath cause it will be cold and I don't want to wear a cardigan over it and cover up it's cuteness...and a slip, but otherwise it's awesome and I'm so happy that I fit in the small no problem :) Can't lie, that feels pretty good.
oh yeah, and I made this way cool craft at our church's women's activity. It was way fun! I thought my hand was going to slip and I was going to power sand my face but it was still fun.
Within 24 hours of getting my mission call, mom somehow found out about the Hanford nuclear plant just outside tri-cities. I think you might be onto something with the radiation-phobia...
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