letting go

Tonight we met with the new couple that will be taking over teaching stake mission prep.  I didn't realize how much I loved this calling until I saw the two people who were going to take it over from us.  They're great by the way-a real sweet couple who, I'm sure, will do great.  They'll direct the class in a way that the spirit directs to them and even though they haven't had a lot of experience with the "new" way of doing missionary work ie. preach my gospel, I'm sure they will learn tons/pick it up fast and, be able to offer things to the students that code and I couldn't have.

So why is it so hard for me to let go? I know that the stake presidency was inspired in calling them, that there was a reason, and that, frankly, it doesn't matter who is called to any calling cause with revelation anyone can succeed at any calling.  I know all of this.  And yet I still find myself worrying.

Worrying that they won't be able to give adequate feedback/good advise to the attendees on how to improve their teaching etc.  because they themselves don't know the material yet.  I know.  It's awful of me, but it's been soooo long since they served and when they did serve it wasn't the way things are done now.  I KNOW what I wrote above is all true and that everything will be fine and work out, so why is it so hard to let go?  How prideful am I to think that the way we ran mission prep is the ONLY way that it will work?  Or that you have to have a couple who have BOTH served missions and are well versed in preach my gospel to be good?  Of course that's not true, I know it's not true but I catch myself feeling like it's true sometimes.....

I guess I'm more of a control freak than I thought......sure I'm nice and mellow/chill until I really care about something and then I want to give 110% to it and if I can't (in this case cause I'm moving) I struggle to let go of that control.  I want to just tell them EXACTLY how we did it-what worked what didn't work, but that's not enough- I secretly want them to smile, nod, and say, ok that's exactly what we'll do.  Which of course is NOT the point.  The spirit will tell them what to do and they'll learn A TON in the process.  A part of me wonders if this calling will help them for a future misson of their own.

Sigh....it doesn't help that I worry about how much we'll be used in our new utah ward.  I know that the Lord will use us no matter where we live.  It's just...we're kind of used to being used a lot and I don't want to feel under-utilized or become lazy.....cause the bishop can't find enough callings for all the ward members.  I want to stay sharp, and I can handle it.  Maybe I don't want 3 callings like I had there for awhile, but a few wouldn't hurt especially if ones a lighter time commitment than the other etc, or something that code and I can do together like teaching....  The more I think about it, the more I realize how spoiled we were in our ward here.  Well....I won't talk for code, but I feel like I was spoiled-got two different types of callings that involved teaching, which I love, and one of them brought code and I together and got to teach together-it was so fun!

oh well.  It'll all work out, just have to trust in the Lord.  And even if we can't teach/testify together in an official calling for awhile, we will with our kid(s) as they grow up, plus any missions we serve later in life so we'll have other opportunities :)

ok....random rant done.  Sorry everyone, this was literally a mental upchucking-verbatim writing of what was on my mind at the time.